Archive for October 14th, 2010

October 14, 2010

Pathetic.

Nowhere on your birth certificate does it promise life will be easy.
I’m not saying it should be,
But holy hell, a little warning would be nice.

I know it could be worse.
And I don’t want sympathy.

I just want to wake up and not feel shitty about everything.
I want to wake up smiling and not ready to cry.
I don’t know what it’s like to go an entire 24 hours without crying like a baby
Because I literally cannot keep it in.

I’m not the world’s most pleasant person,
I know that.
I have gone through some pretty rough times
and just when something starts to go well,
something else shits all over it.

I’ve been down before.
Literally, living in a hole and drinking to fight the demons.
It’s scary when that’s all I have that makes things okay.

That and hugs from my beautiful baby boy
But I can’t rely on him.
He needs to be able to rely on me.
And right now, I am not the greatest role model.

I am not where I thought I would be by 23.
In fact, I was more successful at 19.

That, in itself, is pretty pathetic.

But that’s what happens when you are a pathetic person.

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