Archive for October 13th, 2010

October 13, 2010

No place like home.

Doesn’t matter how long I wait,
How hard I try

I just can’t make it here.
I just can’t be happy here.

Here will never be home.

But I am too scared at failing to go back there and try again.

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October 13, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love.

Was over at sarahwilson.com.au and read her article on “Eat, Pray, Love”.

This section stuck with me
“Eat asparagus and boiled eggs and a peach on the floor in a sunbeam and read the newspaper

This is my favourite bit of all – when Liz lays out a “still life salad” of her favourite things – boiled eggs, asparagus, salmon, goats cheese, olives and a peach – on a beautiful plate and then eats it on the floor of her Roman apartment, in a sunbeam, with her fingers, while reading the newspaper. The movie captures the book version of this scene perfectly – it was EXACTLY how I pictured it in my mind’s eye.

The beauty of this scene is that it’s a grand, breakthrough moment – it’s when Liz gets mindful and calm and centred with food. She’s not gorging, or abstaining. She’s fully appreciating the prettiness of the food and honouring it. She finally “gets” food.

But more than that for me. It’s a moment when Liz works out what she likes. She likes eggs. And peaches. And sitting in the sun alone. And reading the paper. THIS is freedom when you’re a middle-class, white woman in this world. Knowing what you like. Being still enough to access your “you-ness” and to feel what makes you swell with completeness.

You don’t have to be cashed-up and indulged and living it up in Italy to make a still life salad. You can do it tonight. Start with a nice plate. Choose random things that you just like…they don’t have to go together. They don’t have to fit a story. Prepare them slowly and display them as you see fit. Then eat one by one.

On my plate: figs, tamari almonds, yellow squash, witlof, white anchovies. Yours?”

This is what I miss most about Sydney.
Sunday afternoons meant stretching out on the floor, in the sun, with the paper, a glass of champagne, some fresh OJ and a “still life salad”.
My foods of choice?
Almonds, Sliced Pear, Baby Bocconcini, semi-dried tomatoes and a couple of slices of french bread.

Bliss.

October 13, 2010

Unsettled.

Feeling suffocated and so unsettled.

I was born on a rolling stone.
I hate being the same place for too long.
The need for “new” becomes too great.
Which is totally the opposite to the usual “me”.

Most of the time I need structure,
Routine.
Things need to be the same.

Right now I am between houses.
My car is in being repaired after the “truck incident”
Right now I have nothing that is mine.
No where to hide from anyone, or anything.

Finding it so hard to get up in the mornings,
Yet, finding it even harder to sleep at night.

I just wish I could be normal.