Archive for October, 2010

October 31, 2010

Global Communication Shutdown

I hereby challenge everyone to join the global communication shutdown on Monday. It’s for a great cause:

Communication Shutdown. Nov 1.
A global fundraiser for autism.
Shutdown your social networks in solidarity for people with autism. Donate $5 to get the CHAPP (charity app).

Check out https://communicationshutdown.org for more info

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October 26, 2010

Fails.

Posted a massive long blog here about all the shit that has gone down in the past 2 months.

Then I deleted it.

Let’s concentrate on the positives.

Baby Ruby will arrive in less than 10 days.

October 26, 2010

Baby Hewitt

Well,
Bec and Leyton have done it again.

They have had their THIRD baby.
It’s a girl, she arrived [apparently] six weeks early – but both mum and bub are healthy.

Now, We all know the Hewitt’s love the spotlight, the media, and will attend the opening of an envelope
[With mother and daughter in matching frocks – of course]

But with the arrival of Mini Hewitt #3 comes a whole new [ridiculous] spin on money making and fame whoring.
The Hewitt’s are charging their fans two dollars for the name.

That’s right folks,
Just a simple $2 text and they will send you the name of their baby.
Along with the thousand other idiots people who signed on for this.

I don’t have a problem with them using their kid name to raise the money for charity.
All decent celebs do once and a while,
But it’s not going to charity.
Nope, it’s going straight into their pocket.

Two words for you Leyton, “Come on!”

As if NW or New Idea haven’t already sent that text?
Bet it’s in next weeks issue.

** Editor’s Spoiler **
Baby’s name is Ava Sydney Hewitt.

October 26, 2010

Never Enough

I want more time.
I want more money.
I want to be smarter.

I will never have enough of what I want.

Yet, I never work hard enough to get it.
It’s just beyond my grasp.
I am just too scared to reach out for it.

What if I fall?
Fail?
What will I have then?

If I don’t try – I can’t fail.

October 26, 2010

Question.

Today I was asked why I was still single.
And, at my age, it’s not an uncommon question.

And I have the usual standard replies,
I don’t have time.
I haven’t met anyone.
I have too high standards.

And I can usually dodge my way around it.

But,
I’m not being honest.
They are lies.

I don’t think I want to meet anyone.
And if I did, I don’t think I want to be in a relationship with them.

You hurt me too badly.

I think I am broken.
But I’m not sure I want to be fixed.

October 15, 2010

Cheer up emo kid.

Slicing and dicing won’t help.

Neither will the alcohol or drugs.

You need to work out what makes you happy,
Then do it.

— If only I could follow my own advice.

October 14, 2010

Pathetic.

Nowhere on your birth certificate does it promise life will be easy.
I’m not saying it should be,
But holy hell, a little warning would be nice.

I know it could be worse.
And I don’t want sympathy.

I just want to wake up and not feel shitty about everything.
I want to wake up smiling and not ready to cry.
I don’t know what it’s like to go an entire 24 hours without crying like a baby
Because I literally cannot keep it in.

I’m not the world’s most pleasant person,
I know that.
I have gone through some pretty rough times
and just when something starts to go well,
something else shits all over it.

I’ve been down before.
Literally, living in a hole and drinking to fight the demons.
It’s scary when that’s all I have that makes things okay.

That and hugs from my beautiful baby boy
But I can’t rely on him.
He needs to be able to rely on me.
And right now, I am not the greatest role model.

I am not where I thought I would be by 23.
In fact, I was more successful at 19.

That, in itself, is pretty pathetic.

But that’s what happens when you are a pathetic person.

October 13, 2010

No place like home.

Doesn’t matter how long I wait,
How hard I try

I just can’t make it here.
I just can’t be happy here.

Here will never be home.

But I am too scared at failing to go back there and try again.

October 13, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love.

Was over at sarahwilson.com.au and read her article on “Eat, Pray, Love”.

This section stuck with me
“Eat asparagus and boiled eggs and a peach on the floor in a sunbeam and read the newspaper

This is my favourite bit of all – when Liz lays out a “still life salad” of her favourite things – boiled eggs, asparagus, salmon, goats cheese, olives and a peach – on a beautiful plate and then eats it on the floor of her Roman apartment, in a sunbeam, with her fingers, while reading the newspaper. The movie captures the book version of this scene perfectly – it was EXACTLY how I pictured it in my mind’s eye.

The beauty of this scene is that it’s a grand, breakthrough moment – it’s when Liz gets mindful and calm and centred with food. She’s not gorging, or abstaining. She’s fully appreciating the prettiness of the food and honouring it. She finally “gets” food.

But more than that for me. It’s a moment when Liz works out what she likes. She likes eggs. And peaches. And sitting in the sun alone. And reading the paper. THIS is freedom when you’re a middle-class, white woman in this world. Knowing what you like. Being still enough to access your “you-ness” and to feel what makes you swell with completeness.

You don’t have to be cashed-up and indulged and living it up in Italy to make a still life salad. You can do it tonight. Start with a nice plate. Choose random things that you just like…they don’t have to go together. They don’t have to fit a story. Prepare them slowly and display them as you see fit. Then eat one by one.

On my plate: figs, tamari almonds, yellow squash, witlof, white anchovies. Yours?”

This is what I miss most about Sydney.
Sunday afternoons meant stretching out on the floor, in the sun, with the paper, a glass of champagne, some fresh OJ and a “still life salad”.
My foods of choice?
Almonds, Sliced Pear, Baby Bocconcini, semi-dried tomatoes and a couple of slices of french bread.

Bliss.

October 13, 2010

Unsettled.

Feeling suffocated and so unsettled.

I was born on a rolling stone.
I hate being the same place for too long.
The need for “new” becomes too great.
Which is totally the opposite to the usual “me”.

Most of the time I need structure,
Routine.
Things need to be the same.

Right now I am between houses.
My car is in being repaired after the “truck incident”
Right now I have nothing that is mine.
No where to hide from anyone, or anything.

Finding it so hard to get up in the mornings,
Yet, finding it even harder to sleep at night.

I just wish I could be normal.